flower picker
02-14-2004, 03:54 AM
Rules for Driving in Toronto...
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Toronto driver never
uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave any distance between you and the
car in front of you. The space will be filled in by somebody else, putting
you in a dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of
getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it
and it will likely result in your car being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Ontario is a no-fault insurance province and the other guy doesn't have
anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a great way
to scare people entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are just arbitrary numbers provided as a suggestion and are
apparently not enforceable in Toronto during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and can't move doesn't mean that the
other Toronto driver flashing his high beams behind you can't go faster in
your spot.
10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Toronto is the home of the high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the Provincial Highway Department, which puts potholes in
key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Toronto to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Toronto driver is to get there first by
whatever means necessary.
14. In the Toronto area, 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite
Toronto salute. This gesture should always be returned.
15. At least four more cars should proceed on a left after the light turns
red. If you fail to do so, you will be rear-ended.
16. The highways can also be used to dispose of any messy garbage that may
be lying around. These items are better off cluttering the side of the road
then cluttering your car's interior where they may distract you and cause an
accident.
17. If someone cuts you off you should return the gesture by speeding around
them on the right, pulling in front of them and slamming on the brakes.
This works even better when your car is of less value.
18. Never make eye contact with another driver when passing through
Scarborough. Nuff said!
19. Your horn is an all-purpose stress-reliever.
THANK YOU & HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY!
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Toronto driver never
uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave any distance between you and the
car in front of you. The space will be filled in by somebody else, putting
you in a dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of
getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it
and it will likely result in your car being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Ontario is a no-fault insurance province and the other guy doesn't have
anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a great way
to scare people entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are just arbitrary numbers provided as a suggestion and are
apparently not enforceable in Toronto during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and can't move doesn't mean that the
other Toronto driver flashing his high beams behind you can't go faster in
your spot.
10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Toronto is the home of the high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the Provincial Highway Department, which puts potholes in
key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Toronto to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Toronto driver is to get there first by
whatever means necessary.
14. In the Toronto area, 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite
Toronto salute. This gesture should always be returned.
15. At least four more cars should proceed on a left after the light turns
red. If you fail to do so, you will be rear-ended.
16. The highways can also be used to dispose of any messy garbage that may
be lying around. These items are better off cluttering the side of the road
then cluttering your car's interior where they may distract you and cause an
accident.
17. If someone cuts you off you should return the gesture by speeding around
them on the right, pulling in front of them and slamming on the brakes.
This works even better when your car is of less value.
18. Never make eye contact with another driver when passing through
Scarborough. Nuff said!
19. Your horn is an all-purpose stress-reliever.
THANK YOU & HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY!