Never let it be said that Australian ground crews and
engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the
corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline worldwide that has
never had an accident.
(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the
log, and S stands for the corrective action taken by
the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ####pit.
S: Something tightened in ####pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a
piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine
was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in ####pit.
S: Cat installed.
_________________

I've always found that amazing that so many of the airlines have so many accidents while they continue to have none. Does that make it safer to ride Quantis cause they've never had an accident or more dangerous because they're long overdue?
Rick. :)

thats good :D

:withstupid:

Thats hilarious.

FishHog

OMG is that funny man! I'm so glad i read it after passing over the thread a few times.
Caleb

Real funny,especially the "autoland not installed on this aircraft" :nervous: I'd say that pilot may be over due for either a vacation, additional training, or :doh:

That is some funny #$@! :D

A friend sent this to me after I sent him a copy of the joke. :D

Here is a PIREP that I read last week in an actual MMR report for Southeast Airlines:


P: Seat very uncomfortable. Missing cushion.
S: Seat checks out fine. No action taken.

Hilarious..thank you for brightening up my Monday (see my 'Darn Monday!' post).