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How to speak about WOMEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT
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She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. (Is THAT what that is?)

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

She is not a TWO BIT ##### - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
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How to speak about MEN and be POLITICALLY CORRECT
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He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ### - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

This is a funny sign

another one

to funny!

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and It could be dangerous."

"I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on immediately. "Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake. :p

And another-kinda sick :0:

"PAY ATTENTION"

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In
medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck
his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is paying close attention. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

:D :D :D

There once was a man from nantucket who used to ........ :D :D nevermind :p

what is the difference between these three ?
1. a potugese wedding.
2. a potugese funeral.
3. a potugese mans day at work


at the wedding they don't do cement.

OK, these are old but in case somebody hasn't heard them:

What does one Polaris rider say to the other when they meet on the trail?.................What's wrong?

How do you get a Ski Doo off your as# ?..........Cut the rope!

Combine a Arctic Cat tow rope with a Polaris tow rope and you have a ................Yamaha tow rope! :D :D

Here ya go :)

COLD WINTER


It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the hell the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
Being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy". :D :D SWRules

what do you get when you add 5 lesbians and 5 city workers.... 10 people who don`t do d#ck :p